Much of my adult life has been learning to heal from childhood trauma. I’m still working on it and I suspect I always will. Healing is the process of becoming sound or healthy again. CrossFit is helping me heal. I was reluctant to try it. I didn’t have time for it. I was sure it wasn’t my thing, but turns out, it is.
I took the foundations classes in January, a birthday present from Thomas. While I waited for the coach, I looked around the gym; I felt self-conscience, like I was an impostor. I wasn’t athletic. I was clumsy and awkward. I didn’t belong there. I was certain that I was going to make a fool of myself, but after the third foundation’s class, I was hooked. I looked forward to the next one. My dreams were full of kettle bell swings and box jumps.
My first few WODs were comical. I fell over, a lot. I was still uncoordinated but so eager to learn the moves, to see what I was capable of. Slowly, with each class, I grew more confident. With each successful lift or newly learned skill, I started to believe in my abilities. I wondered, “What else can I do that I didn’t think I could?” It was empowering. I felt worthy.
It’s been nine months since I took those foundations classes. Five days a week has been my minimum commitment. I lament rest days. I don’t want to miss a new skill or miss a chance to get a PR or miss celebrating my friends’ achievements. CrossFit is my favorite hour of the day. It’s helping me heal those unhealthy ways of coping with stress; it quiets the negative mind chatter and the misplaced anxiety that sometimes surfaces. CrossFit is so much more than a fitness program. It’s strengthening my body and my mind. CrossFit heals.